15 May 2011

Guide to Dating: The Trait List

As a late 20 something man or woman you can easily become overwhelmed in the dating scene. Not only do you have to go on those dreaded blind dates (which are probably set up by a friend of a friend or your mother). Now with E Harmony and those tempting, but scary, online dating services, what is a single person to do?

My mother has told me time and time again about the dangers of dating online and the internet becomes a scary but also very tempting place. I will admit that I was tempted in checking out one of these online dating services. I mean you can check out people's histories, pictures, hobbies and values without actually ever meeting them. It saves you a lot of time and possibly saves you from those horrible dates where you know nothing is going to happen with the person. Then, you have to think of some excuse why you need to leave early and, for someone like myself who can not lie to save her life, that excuse is really hard to come up with.

Finally, I just gave up on looking for that "right" person and started asking myself some serious questions about what I would like from a significant other. I find that it is easy to become blinded by finding that new person and you sometimes make excuses or ignore traits because you don't want to be alone. But what is so wrong about being alone? I loved living in my apartment by myself (a Jack Russel named Ziggy being my only room mate), and having that alone time to figure out what I really wanted. Yeah sure it was scary for the first month, but after you get over that hump it's wonderful to be completely independent.

Eventually, I was able to create a list of traits or characteristics that I would need to find in a significant other. I suggest creating this list and sticking to it because honestly what is the point of getting involved with someone when they are not able to offer you what you want or need from a relationship? I found my list the other day and I wanted to share it with people because I think this is a good way to force yourself to have some "standards" or "qualifications" that you may need when meeting new people and when you are making that decision, "should I try this relationship thing with this person?"

Now this list should not be brought out on the first date because honestly that will scare the person away and they will think, "this person is crazy!" This list is for your use ONLY and should not be shared with the person that you are dating. Now that we understand the rules of how to use the list technique I will share my list. My list is short and I recommend that you keep yours short too (otherwise you are being too picky and will most likely never find that person).

1. Humor: the most important is the ability to make me laugh no matter how much I really don't want to at that time. In fact this is also helpful in fights because if you can make a joke that makes me laugh in the middle chances are I will forget why we are fighting.

2. Compassion: being a teacher I would need someone to also be compassionate towards people and all living things. Also, I have a condition known as KTS which means the person that I am with would need to be understanding about it.

3. Honesty: for me honesty is one of the most important qualities. It is important to be honest not only with yourself but also with others.

4. Chemistry: that spark of electricity which is essential in all intimate relationships.

So there is my list. Short and concise yes but honestly this was how I was able to shift though all of the dating information and internet overload. This dating world has changed so fast with online dating services that I recommend dating the old-fashioned way: going out, meeting people and having regular conversations with them. That means no text messaging, Facebook messages, phone calls or online journals. Go out and meet people! If I can do it then so can you!

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