How to Not Be a Jerk: On the Highway

Writing an article on how to not be a jerk on a Snow Day was therapeutic. I finally got to say everything I have wanted to shout at people for several winters. Since then, the snow has (finally) gone away and life went back to normal. Normal enough that it brought into focus the other aspects of life in which one must contend with the jerkiness of others. Jerks are everywhere, but rarely do you find a place that has as many jerks as the highway does.

#1- Entering the Highway
THE JERK WAY: Jerks are mind-boggling in this situation. They have just finished speeding at 60 in a 45 en route to the entrance ramp of the highway. Upon entering the ramp, they seem to forget where the gas pedal is/how it works and coast slowly to the end of the ACCELERATION LANE, at which point they stop.
THE RIGHT WAY: It's called an ACCELERATION LANE for a reason, dimwits! The acceleration lane is a handy little invention that allows drivers entering the highway to bring their vehicle up to the speed of the other drivers already on the highway. The worst possible thing you could do in an acceleration is stop. Furthermore, you do not need to wait until the lane disappears to merge. If there is an opening for you to merge, take it! Don't be scared, it'll all be okay in the end.

How to Not Be a Jerk: The Snow Day

Many times in life circumstances arise in which upon taking the easy way out, you come off as a jerk. Here at the What, we would like to help you avoid the stigma of jerkdom (see also: assholiness, douchebaggery, dicktion) by offering you guidance on how to properly behave in certain situations. A prime example of one such circumstance is the snow day.

Even now, years removed from school, the words snow day elicit a certain amount of excitement. That excitement lasts until you realize you have to get up, shovel a path, walk the dog, clear the car, and drive in this mess to get to work. Sometimes adulthood sucks. Yet, seeing as we are all adults here, we suck it up and do what we need to do. I believe it is called building character. Let's take our snow day, step-by-step, and examine how to properly go through the day versus how to jerkily go through the day.

Dreaded chore or awesome workout?

1. Shoveling -  If there is one thing about snow days that the majority of people would have a complaint about, it would be shoveling. I for one love shoveling because it is a decent workout that burns a fair amount of calories. Regardless of whether you do or do not enjoy shoveling, it has to be done. So let's take a look at the two options.

THE JERK WAY:  A jerk is likely to go outside with a shovel and do a quick hack job. He does not care if he is tossing snow into a freshly plowed street, his neighbor's already pristine sidewalk, in front of or onto someone else's vehicle, or onto the nearest fire hydrant. There is also a good chance that the jerk will forgo shoveling and instead use a snow blower and send high-powered plumes of the white stuff onto the aforementioned locales.